5 South American Futbol Truths:
- Luis Suarez es un canchero. (Canchero explained later.)
“Lo aprendi en la cancha!”
- Argentina never loses to Colombia more than once every 5 years, but when they do lose, they’re pummeled (5-0); for Colombia, in victory, expectations become inflated, normalcy becomes beauty, beauty becomes genius, and then our entire team evolves into Futbol Einsteins, and then we lose… (more later)
Ouch, my heart…
“Hijueputa!” — wait? does it count if it hit the post???
- Bolivians have extra sets of lungs and play with boots of steel, strike the ball like goku, and are from another planet called “La Paz”.
- Argentina beats everybody but Brazil and Chile; chile will lose to everyone but Argentina. (Easily the greatest panenka ever.)
- Brazil will never live down losing by six to the Germans — at least, we will never let them live it down because 5 World Cups. (God help us if we do.)