As per usual, the end of December brings with it the sense that all is coming to an end. It is an apocalyptic sentiment, but I know-as we all do-that the world is not ending. What is ending is the year, and with the years end comes unavoidable reflection.
What changed? In what way did I change? What did I do with the time? How many days passed in which I found myself sad? Happy? Bored?
Just before, I was sitting (more like laying) on my couch and viewing a news program; something on MSNBC, so I guess that makes me seem like I am progressive-whatever that term entails.
I realized that my reasons for watching the news had more to do with stymieing boredom than with wanting to be informed; and MSNBC is just entertaining enough, and progressive-meaning I move neither forward or backward, and this may be what the term entails, for now.
We always want to avoid boredom in some way, or another, and usually it happens by consuming content that is just “good enough”. What we fail to see is the other option: that task which can fulfill us upon completion, that task we are ignoring…
Watching MSNBC is not fulfilling, no matter how much in love you are with Maddow or Scarborough, or the ever engaging and coldly passive aggressive Mica (she’s my favorite, but don’t tell anyone).
On Mica: (GIF Below) Look at the elegant way in which she combs her hair and then covers her mouth. The task of maintaining the perfection that is her hair is completed before anything else: what genius…
I feel a sense of longing for something I more likely never had. Something which lies on the tip of my tongue, but its taste eludes me. Its because I don’t know what the taste is, the flavor is too advanced for my palette, and it supersedes my senses, except for brief moments here and there, but they are too brief, to quick in passing, and the moment of eureka, of total understanding, is fleeting.
So then I watch television, maybe read a few pages of Knausgaard, maybe waltz around my apartment to the lovely piano trills of an Ellington-Coltrane piece, all this to either forget that the moment of understanding is fleeting, or to try a way to jostle whatever went loose back into place.
And then I get bored. The moment that was meant to bring enlightenment passed, how to rediscover the train of thought? I wonder.
So then I am back to the television to stay informed-whatever that means. I suppose it is backed by a desire to remain connected to something that touches the masses. The intent here is to relate to something outside of myself, hear the opinions of others and process them, and then quite possibly apply my own opinions and test them; all of this is in the mind of course, because I am still alone in the apartment, watching the news.
But at least I am watching the news, staying progressive-I think, at this point, it has something to do with drinking gourmet coffee and eating kale salads…I’ll get back to you.
This is a vicious cycle that must change, and I now realize that I need to handle boredom in better ways than watching cable news. Thats my resolution: handle boredom and loneliness in better ways.
This will help in finishing what I start. I think thats being progressive.
And then I can learn how to understand that taste which supersedes my senses.
I really do like Mica, though…