It isn’t always easy to accept the circumstances of every relationship, both romantic and casual, that we find ourselves at the end of. When it is over, and when the dust settles, a lot of introspection is going to happen. What we know is only what we think and feel. It is evident that after enough time waiting and pondering and possibly raving back and forth in your head, nothing can be established, nothing can be known for certain. This is one of the main reasons why the seemingly impossible task of inner reconciliation seems that way to begin with: impossible. What do I know for sure? Was it me? Was it everyone? Am I a pariah of some kind? Whats the fucking deal? And on… Ad infinitum.
In the most pleasurable circumstances, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel: an idealization. A way that something is meant to go, meant to begin and end and play out. The image in ones mind when an idea first germinates, when a connection is first made. At one moment there is a keen EUREKA! Some semblance of perfection so greatly desired that a whirlwind of contentment, and dare I say, “Happiness,” emanates forward from the far reaches of your being (or whatever). And in that moment, the idealization is totally correct! It IS! Nothing else is possible except for it! That one idea in your mind. IT!
This goes with almost anything. With people, with hobbies, with situations, with scenarios; everything in life is RELATIONAL. You imagine YOURSELF with someone, something, somewhere etc. So eventual (possibly inevitable) heartbreak, disappointment, sadness and disenchantment is all part of the act. As Donald Kaufman once said: “You love what you love, not what loves you.” (Seriously, if you don’t know where this is from you need to watch better movies…) The love you had was real, and in the end it could be unrequited, but its cool. Its cool man. Everything will be okay.
So, fine, it didn’t work. But that isn’t the point. The point is that the experience was yours. It is yours to do what you want with, and also what you believe it can give you. Will it inspire you? Will it destroy you? Will it make you a better person? Or worse? What did you learn? It is these sad experiences that cause the dichotomy of happiness v.s sadness to become clear. The quote: “It is always darkest before the dawn,” is a reminder of that.
And in heartbreak we see who we are, what we are, and where we are. The perspective that is lifted over our eyes withers away and our older one returns; but this time it has a more greater scope. It is, as if, our lifelong lenses become stronger and more akin to seeing more of what is there, but only after being dirtied by failure.
Lessons in human relations. Also, everything is relative, but also not; well, I don’t know I’m only 22 so what the fuck do I know.